Collective Dissonance

Today I was driving to school to make my afternoon class. Driving to the university involves getting on the most feared interstate in Texas, and consequently, where all shitty drivers congregate. The elderly gentleman in the left lane going 40 miles per hour as he struggles to see over the wheel. The 16 year-old high school girl on her cell phone who doesn’t quite understand that you’re only supposed to use one lane, not two. The ignorant fool who stops in the middle of the on ramp hoping that maybe traffic so magically stop so he can merge into traffic without fear.

Those people annoy me, but there is one thing that bothers me more. People driving on the access road of the interstate who don’t yield to traffic exiting the interstate even though there is a clearly placed YIELD sign with an auxiliary sign underneath it that reads “TO RAMP”.

Yield To Ramp. Simple enough.

So I’m about to make my exit, and I see this gold Chevy HHR speeding along the access road, and I can tell that pretty soon, we’re going to be in the same place at the same time, and instinctively I know they’re not going to yield. How did I deduce that? Well, for one, they drive a Chevy HHR, so they think they’re driving an automobile that is hip and stylish because the sales representative at the Chevy dealership told them so. People who believe they’re cool don’t yield, and they tend to be self righteous assholes.

Self righteous assholes also don’t yield. Mark it down.

Anyway, I speed my car up to the point I know where I can exit the interstate and get across the access road in front of them without endangering either party, but I’m out to make a point today, and I want to fly across in front of them so maybe they’ll learn how to yield next time. Is it wrong of me? Yes. I should have just slowed down and let them go, but I wanted to be an ass and make my point because sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and people who can’t read a damn road sign.

So I fly off the interstate, and execute the manuever that involves me cutting off the HHR because they didn’t yield to exiting traffic on the interstate. I continue to drive normally, and proceed to make my right turn at the traffic light down from the exit. I’ve made my point, and now my major concern is finding a parking space and then making the ten minute walk to class.

Well, I make my turn, and then I realize that the HHR has started to follow me.

I wasn’t exactly prepared for this turn of events, but I kept driving normally as if they weren’t there. Now, I would have been a lot more fearful if I had cut off a black BMW 5 Series, or a Chevy Impala from the 1960’s.  These two drivers most likely have guns. The guy in the beamer is a hitman, and the guy in the Impala is defending his turf. You don’t fuck with these people. I, however, was dealing with something far more innocuous and wasn’t fearing for my safety.

I pull up the my next light, and nonchalantly stare straight ahead, and do a little changing on the radio, normal stuff you do at a stoplight. All the while, there is an orange Chevy HHR next to me, with someone flailing their arms out the driver’s window trying to get my attention. From what I could tell from the corner of my eye, they were very insistant that they get my attention. I, on the other hand, just keep looking ahead, waiting for the light to change as if they weren’t there.

I could have rolled down my window and educated them on the various traffic laws in the State of Texas, but I think I got more satisfaction by being passive aggressive, and letting them get all their energy from their bad driving out through the flailing of arms. I don’t really get off on the whole personal confrontation side of life, I prefer to watch and take mental notes, or just not be involved at all, so I wasn’t going to dignify this person with a response.

That wasn’t the best part, however.

When the light turned green, and they had failed to get my attention, they promptly and angrily turned to the right, which happened to be one of those cool one way streets that every university or college campus has, and the asshole in the HHR was about to see a bunch of WRONG WAY signs. Me? I just kept on my way, as the inept asshole continued to embarass him/herself on a grand scale.

Does it make me an asshole that I exacted some vigilante driver justice on someone who failed to yield? Probably, and granted, I wouldn’t have done it if I thought there was any possibility that I could crash the car and injure myself or them. I did it knowing that I was completely in the right legally, and that nothing would come of it except a little bit of satisfaction.

Sometimes it feels good to be an asshole. Just be one of those assholes who yields to oncoming traffic.